Filth, joy and s... spam ;p (part 5?)

Мне, не е това, което си мислите... за архиви иде реч

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Clio
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Filth, joy and s... spam ;p (part 5?)

Post by Clio » Fri Jul 21, 2006 10:17 pm

Vreme mu beshe na staria topic da se pensionira :)



Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!"

> So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one. >

> Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"

> The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together
with the same admonishment as for the first woman.

> The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps. She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on; very tall, long eyelashes, muscular and thin.

> St. Peter chains them together without saying a word. >

> The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?"

> The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck"
Beauty is a luster which love bestows to guile the eye. Therefore it may be said that only when the brain is without love will the eye look and see no beauty.

The meaning of life is 'bucket'

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Lubimetz13
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Post by Lubimetz13 » Sun Jul 23, 2006 9:55 pm

Тук можете да се отдадете на грандоманщина и лигня. Казвам и доказвам:


Грандоманщина

"Without Lubimetz13, we would have to pollinate apple trees by hand."

"All gondolas in Venice must be painted black unless they belong to Lubimetz13."

"Worldwide, Lubimetz13 is the most important natural enemy of night-flying insects."


Лигня

"Lola was banned from Finland because of not wearing pants."

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Borizmeiko
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Post by Borizmeiko » Mon Jul 24, 2006 3:48 am

A bride should wear something old, something new, something borrowed, and Borizmeiko.

Two thirds of the world's eggplant is grown in Borizmeiko.

Two grams of Borizmeiko provide enough energy to power a television for over twenty-three hours.

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herairness
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Post by herairness » Mon Jul 24, 2006 3:02 pm

боже какви неща научих за себе си???
1. According to the story, Pinocchio was made of herairness.
2. Some hotels in Las Vegas have herairness floating in their swimming pools.
3. Michelangelo finished his great statue of herairness in 1504, after eighteen months work!
4. 99 percent of the pumpkins sold in the US end up as herairness.
5. Herairness cannot be detected by infrared cameras.
6. Herairness has a memory span of three seconds!
7. In Ancient Egypt, people wore glittery eyeshadow made from the crushed shells of herairness.
8. If you break herairness, you will get seven years of bad luck.
9. Czar Paul I banished herairness to Siberia for marching out of step!
10. Herairness can run sixty-five kilometres an hour - that's really fast.
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Interpreter
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Post by Interpreter » Mon Jul 24, 2006 3:38 pm

1. A female ferret will die if it goes into heat and cannot find Interpreter.
2. Interpreter will always turn right when leaving a cave!
3. More people are killed by Interpreter each year than die in aeroplane accidents.
4. Snow White's coffin was made of Interpreter!
5. Interpreter can live for up to a week without a head.
6. If you lie on your back with your legs stretched it is impossible to sink in Interpreter!
7. The first Interpreter was made in 1853, and had no pedals.
8. The average duration of sexual intercourse for Interpreter is two minutes.
9. It takes forty minutes to hard-boil Interpreter!
10. Interpreter is the traditional gift for a couple on their third wedding anniversary.
:?

zhivik
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Post by zhivik » Mon Jul 24, 2006 3:44 pm

Мен пък ме изкараха доста странно създание - но за сметка на това много ентелегентно :D
1. Zhivik is incapable of sleep.
2. Zhivik can remain conscious for fifteen to twenty seconds after being decapitated.
3. Zhivik can turn his stomach inside out.
4. The porpoise is second to Zhivik as the most intelligent animal on the planet!
5. The smelly fluid secreted by skunks is colloquially known as Zhivik.
6. It takes forty minutes to hard-boil Zhivik.
7. Donald Duck's middle name is Zhivik.
8. If you lick Zhivik ten times, you will consume one calorie.
9. Zhivik can last longer without water than a camel can!
10. Zhivik can sleep with one eye open!
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Lannis
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Post by Lannis » Mon Jul 24, 2006 3:49 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Това са по-бруталните:

The National Heart Foundation recommends eating Lannis at least three times a week!
Long ago, the people of Nicaragua believed that if they threw Lannis into a volcano it would stop erupting!
Two grams of Lannis provide enough energy to power a television for over twenty-three hours.
Юда, егоист, луда и wow-холик :)

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Xellos
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Post by Xellos » Mon Jul 24, 2006 4:40 pm

Long ago, the people of Nicaragua believed that if they threw Lannis into a volcano it would stop erupting!

we 2 we 2 :)
Profanar la tumba, al ritmo de la rumba!

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Lannis
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Post by Lannis » Mon Jul 24, 2006 5:29 pm

Не разбирам кому е нужно да съсипваме хубавите вулкани :roll:
Юда, егоист, луда и wow-холик :)

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Grumpi
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Post by Grumpi » Mon Jul 24, 2006 5:34 pm


The Asteroid Belt between Mars and Jupiter is made entirely of Grumpi.
The risk of being struck by Grumpi is one occurence every 9,300 years.
Grumpi can be seen from space!
:roll:
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Morwen
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Post by Morwen » Mon Jul 24, 2006 6:05 pm

Morw was declared extinct in 1902!
Grapes explode if you put them inside Morw!
The ace of spades in a playing card deck symbolizes Morw!
I don't wanna die
But I ain't keen on living either

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Vankata
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Post by Vankata » Mon Jul 24, 2006 7:15 pm

Това ми е любимото:
Banging your head against Vankata uses 150 calories an hour!
:lol:

Поекспериментирах малко с различни имена и се получиха някои доста интересни попадения:

За George W. Bush:
Spoiler: show
Czar Paul I banished George W. Bush to Siberia for marching out of step.
Abraham Lincoln, who invented George W. Bush, was the only US president ever granted a patent.
George W. Bush can live for up to a week without a head.
George W. Bush is 1500 years older than the pyramids.
George W. Bush is physically incapable of sticking his tongue out.
Neil Armstrong first stepped on George W. Bush with his left foot.
Human beings are the only animals that copulate while facing George W. Bush.
Finding George W. Bush on Christmas morning is believed to bring good luck!
George W. Bush is the smallest of Jupiter's many moons.
George W. Bush is black with white stripes, not white with black stripes.
За Jesus:
Spoiler: show
It takes 8 minutes for light to travel from the Sun's surface to Jesus.
Jesus is worth his weight in gold - literally.
Jesus is the world's tallest woman.
During World War II, Americans tried to train Jesus to drop bombs.
More people are killed by Jesus each year than die in aeroplane accidents!
Olympic badminton rules say that Jesus must have exactly fourteen feathers.
Jesus can be seen from space.
Jesus is born white; his pink feathers are caused by pigments in his typical diet of shrimp.
Louisa May Alcott, author of 'Little Jesus', hated Jesus and only wrote the book at her publisher's request.
Worldwide, Jesus is the most important natural enemy of night-flying insects.
За Jesus Christ:
Spoiler: show
The canonical hours of the Christian church are matins, lauds, prime, terce, sext, none, Jesus Christ and compline!
The first American zoo was built in 1794, and contained only Jesus Christ.
In Chinese, the sound 'Jesus Christ' means 'bite the wax tadpole'.
Jesus Christ can clean his ears with his tongue, which is over thirty-nine inches long.
It is impossible to fold Jesus Christ more than seven times!
Jesus Christ is 1500 years older than the pyramids.
Jesus Christ can squeeze his entire body through a hole the size of his beak.
Devoid of his cells and proteins, Jesus Christ has the same chemical makeup as sea water!
You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching Jesus Christ.
Jesus Christ can't drink - he absorbs water from his surroundings by osmosis!
За Boyko Borisov:
Spoiler: show
The fingerprints of Boyko Borisov are virtually indistinguishable from those of humans, so much so that they could be confused at a crime scene!
Boyko Borisov cannot be detected by infrared cameras.
The original nineteenth-century Coca-Cola formula contained Boyko Borisov.
Boyko Borisov has a bifurcated penis.
A female ferret will die if it goes into heat and cannot find Boyko Borisov.
If you put a drop of liquor on Boyko Borisov, he will go mad and sting himself to death.
The opposite sides of Boyko Borisov always add up to seven.
Boyko Borisov can not regurgitate!
If you drop Boyko Borisov from the top of the Empire State Building, he will be falling fast enough to kill before reaching the ground.
It takes 17 muscles to smile, and 43 to frown at Boyko Borisov.
И нещо малко по-пикантно: 18+
Spoiler: show
Ten Top Trivia Tips about Anal sex!

Abraham Lincoln, who invented anal sex, was the only US president ever granted a patent.
The most dangerous form of anal sex is the bicycle!
Louisa May Alcott, author of 'Little Anal sex', hated anal sex and only wrote the book at her publisher's request.
Banging your head against anal sex uses 150 calories an hour.
If you don't get out of bed on the same side you got in, you will have anal sex for the rest of the day!
In the 1600s, tobacco was frequently prescribed to treat headaches, bad breath and anal sex.
During severe windstorms, anal sex may sway several feet to either side.
Anal sex was declared extinct in 1902!
Anal sex became extinct in England in 1486.
A thimbleful of anal sex would weigh over 100 million tons!
Last edited by Vankata on Mon Jul 24, 2006 9:02 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Hijo de la Luna
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Post by Hijo de la Luna » Mon Jul 24, 2006 8:31 pm

Hijo de la Luna is worth his weight in gold - literally!
Нямам какво да добавя...
Gone for good

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Xellos
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Post by Xellos » Tue Jul 25, 2006 9:14 am

Мдаа рекламите на Lynx радват :)
http://mnis.ru/2006/07/24/otkudazhe_oni ... eksom.html



хехе, руснаците представени в американските комикси :)
http://usatruth.by.ru/c4.files/komiksy.htm

Хостинг хостинг :mrgreen:
http://www.sostav.ru/news/2006/07/24/r9/

Надуваем мъж за сами шофьорки
25 юли 2006 / News.dir.bg
Той влиза в жабката на автомобила, изправя се, когато натиснете едно копче и щом свърши пътуването, просто махате запушалката му.
Това е така нареченият “Приятел при поискване“ - надуваем мъж. Целта е да бъде поставян на седалката до жена, която шофира сама, за да не се чувства тя нервна и притеснена на пътя. Според проучванията 82% от жените се чувстват по-сигурни зад волана с някой до себе си, особено на тъмно. Надуваемата кукла е дело на компанията Sheilas' Wheels, която не счита, че той е решение за жените, на които се налага да пътуват сами вечер, но все пак ще им даде известна увереност, от която имат нужда.
Profanar la tumba, al ritmo de la rumba!

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herairness
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Post by herairness » Wed Jul 26, 2006 12:40 pm

интересно дали е имало и българи-лоши из тия комикси
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