Да поспамим още малко ;) - They come in great numbers!

Мне, не е това, което си мислите... за архиви иде реч

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sauron
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Post by sauron » Sun Feb 20, 2005 11:16 am

ами стария спор на нов глас :cry:

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ildalina
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Post by ildalina » Mon Feb 21, 2005 10:52 am

You are .mp3 The kids love you. You get along with just about everybody except the music industry. You really make yourself heard.

You are Debian Linux. People have difficulty getting to know you. Once you finally open your shell they're apt to love you.

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thunder
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Post by thunder » Mon Feb 21, 2005 12:25 pm

два пъти го направих, получих различни отговори :)
първият път бях .inf, втория път .mpg, ето ви на .mpg:

You are .mpg You live life like it was a movie. Constantly in motion, you bring pleasure to many, but are often hidden away

виж за OS определено познават повече:

You are Slackware Linux. You are the brightest among your peers, but are often mistaken as insane. Your elegant solutions to problems often take a little longer, but require much less effort to complete.
Scalpel. Sponge. Magic Wand!

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armageddon
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Post by armageddon » Mon Feb 21, 2005 1:07 pm

You аре .cgi Your life seems a bit too scripted, and sometimes you are exploited. Still а vorkхорсе though. Много, много странен отговор (последния път като съм го правил имам спомен че бях * :D)

You are GODFREY UGO. You are the Chairman of the Contract Debt Investigation and Payment Commission for the government of Nigeria. You have $200 Million that you wish to give away 25%. Your business is 100% risk free." - ne che mi govori neshto, ma karai :D

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The Dragon
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Post by The Dragon » Tue Feb 22, 2005 9:56 am

22-годишен американец бил намерен мъртъв след като се е опитвал да използва пипала на октопод за бънджи скок от 21-метров железопътен мост. Според полицията във Феърфакс, Ерик Барсиа, усукъл бънджи-въже от пипалата, завърал единият му край за краката си, а другият за моста, скочил и се размазал на паважа. Според говорителя на полицията, Ерик е бил сам, тъй като колата му е била открита паркирана наблизо. "Не можем да гадаем, дали изплетеното въже би издържало теглото му, тъй като според експертизата, причината за инцидента е, че дължината на въжето е била по-голяма от разстоянието между моста и паважа...

Служители в склад в западен Тексас забелязали мирис на изтичане на газ. Ръководството благоразумно евакуирало, цялата сграда и се погрижило за всички потенциални източници на експлозия: светлини, електричество ... След като сградата била евакуирана, пристигнали двама техници от газовата компания. След като влезли в сградата открили, че било изключително трудно да се придвижват вътре, поради непрогледната тъмнина. Свидетелските показания по-късно описват сцената, как единият от техниците бръкнал в джоба си и извадил малък предмет, удивително напомнящ на запалка. След употребата на запалковидният предмет, последвала експлозия, след която, парчета от склада били открити на 5 километра от епицентъра. От сградата, както и от склада не било останала и следа, но запалката била намерена абсолютно незасегната от експлозията...
The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship's kitchen.

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Xellos
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Post by Xellos » Tue Feb 22, 2005 4:09 pm

„Ние можещите, водени от незнаещите, вършим невъзможното за кефа на неблагодарните. И сме направили толкова много, с толкова малко, за толкова кратко време, че можем да правим всичко от нищо. ... За мен най-лошото в България е чудесното наслаждение, което тук имат хората да се преследват един друг и да развалят един другиму работата.”

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thunder
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Post by thunder » Mon Feb 28, 2005 12:50 pm

какви глупости получавам по пощата:

So you thought that cops had no sense of humor--- The following were taken off of actual police car videos around the country.

1. “Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch out after you wear them awhile.”

2. “Take your hands off the car, and I’ll make your birth certificate a worthless document.”

3. “If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.”

4. “Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn’t know, that is the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired from my gun.”

5. “So you don’t know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?” “Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don’t think it will help. Oh ... did I mention
that I am the shift supervisor?”

6. “Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I’m warning you not to do That again or I’ll give you another ticket.”

7. “The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?”

8. “Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.”

9. “In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC.”

10. “Just how big were those two beers?”

11. “No sir we don’t have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we’re allowed to write as many tickets as we want.”

12. “I’m glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail.”

(And maybe the best one of all)

13. “You didn’t think we give pretty women tickets? You’re right, we don’t… Sign here
Scalpel. Sponge. Magic Wand!

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The Dragon
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Post by The Dragon » Mon Feb 28, 2005 1:16 pm

Toward the end of the golf course, Harry somehow managed to hit his ball into the woods
finding it in a patch of pretty yellow buttercups.
Trying to get his ball back in play, he ended up thrashing just about every buttercup in the patch.
All of a sudden, POOF!, in a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared.
She said, "I'm Mother Nature! Do you know how long it took me to make those buttercups?
Just for that, you won't have any butter for your popcorn the rest of your life; better still;
you won't have any butter for your toast for the rest of your life..... as a matter of fact,
you won't have any butter for anything the rest of your life!"
THEN POOF!....she was gone.
After Harry got a hold of himself, he hollered for his friend, Fred. "Fred, where are you?"
Fred yells back, "I'm over here, in the Pussywillows."
Harry yells back......"DON'T SWING FRED!!!" "For God sake, DON'T SWING!!"
The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship's kitchen.

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The Dragon
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Post by The Dragon » Mon Feb 28, 2005 1:19 pm

Sid and Al were sitting in a Chinese restaurant.
"Sid," asked Al, "are there any Jews in China?"
"I don't know," Sid replied. "Why don't we ask the waiter?"
When the waiter came by, Al asked him, "Are there any Chinese Jews?"
"I don't know sir, let me ask," the waiter replied, and he went into the kitchen.
He returned in a few minutes and said, "No, sir. No, Chinese Jews."
"Are you sure?" Al asked. "I will check again, sir," the waiter replied and went
back to the kitchen.
While he was still gone, Sid said, "I cannot believe there are no Jews in China. Our people are scattered everywhere."
When the waiter returned he said, "Sir, no Chinese Jews."
"Are you really sure?" Al asked again. "I cannot believe there are no Chinese Jews."
"Sir, I ask everyone," the waiter replied exasperated. "We have Orange Jews,Prune Jews, Tomato Jews and Grape Jews, but no Chinese Jews."
The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship's kitchen.

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The Dragon
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Post by The Dragon » Mon Feb 28, 2005 1:20 pm

A Fairy Godmother told a married couple:
"For being such an exemplary married couple for 35 years, I will give you each a wish".
"I want to travel around the world with my dearest husband" said the wife.
The Fairy moved her magic stick and abracadabra! two tickets appeared in her hands.
Now it was the husband's turn.
He thought for a moment and said: "Well this moment is very romantic, but an opportunity like this
only occurs once in a lifetime. So.....I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me".
The wife was deeply disappointed, but a wish was a wish.
The Fairy made a circle with her magic stick and.....abracadabra!... Suddenly the husband was 90 years old.
Men might be buggers, but Fairies are Female!
The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship's kitchen.

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The Dragon
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Post by The Dragon » Mon Feb 28, 2005 1:23 pm

A Mexican, an Asian, and an Aussie are in a bar having a drink when a good-looking girl comes up
to them and says " whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me".
So the Mexican says" I love liver and cheese".
She says "that's not good enough".
The Asian man says "I hate liver and cheese",
And she says "that's not creative",
And then the Aussie says "liver alone cheese mine"

Dear Tide:
I'm writing to say what an excellent product you have! I've used it all through
my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best. Now that I am in my fifties,
I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white
blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to berate me about how clumsy I
was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One thing led to another and somehow
I ended up with a lot of his blood on my white blouse. I tried to get the stain out using a
bargain detergent, but it just wouldn't come out. After a quick trip to the supermarket,
I purchased a bottle of liquid Tide with bleach alternative, and to my surprise and
satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well the Detectives
who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative and then
my attorney called and said that I would no longer be considered a suspect in the
disappearance of my husband. What a relief! Going through menopause is bad
enough without being a murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having such
a great product. Well, gotta go. I have to write a letter to the Hefty bag people . .
The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship's kitchen.

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The Dragon
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Post by The Dragon » Mon Feb 28, 2005 1:26 pm

Times Up!
An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he calls his grandson to his bed.

"Grandson, he said, "I wanna you listen to me.
I wanna for you to take my Gold Plated .38 revolver,so you will always
remember me."

"Buta grandpa, I really don't like guns. Howzabout you leava me your Gold
Plated Rolex watch instead."

"You listen a me.
Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna have
with lotsa money and a really beautiful wife.

You work hard, long hours, and some day you gonna come home and maybe find
your wife in bed with another man.

Whatta you gonna do then...pointa you watch and say,
"Times Up ?"
The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship's kitchen.

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The Dragon
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Post by The Dragon » Mon Feb 28, 2005 1:27 pm

Test for dementia
Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles.

As we grow older, it's important that we keep mentally alert. The saying; "If you don't use it, you will lose it," also applies to the brain, so.....

Below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence.

Take the following test and determine if you are losing it or are still "with it."



OK, relax, clear your mind and.... begin.







1. What do you put in a toaster?



















Answer: "bread." If you said "toast," then give up now and go do something else.

Try not to hurt yourself.



If you said, "bread," go to Question 2.





























2. Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk." What do cows drink?





















Answer: Cows drink water. If you said "milk," please do not attempt the next question. Your brain is obviously over stressed and may even overheat. It may be that you need to content yourself with reading something more appropriate, such as Children's World."



If you said "water," proceed to question 3

































3. If a red house is made from red bricks, and a blue house is made from blue bricks, and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?














Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said, "green bricks," what the devil are you still doing reading these questions?



If you said "glass," then go on to Question 4.

























4. Twenty years ago, a plane was flying at 20,000 feet over Germany. If you recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West Germany and East Germany. Anyway, during the flight, TWO of the engines failed.The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately the third engine fails before he has time to attempt an emergency landing, and the plane crashes smack in the middle of "no man's land" between East Germany and West Germany.



Where would you bury the survivors?

. . . in East Germany or West Germany or in "no man's land"?



















Answer: You don't, of course, bury survivors. If you said ANYTHING else, you are a real dunce and you must NEVER try to rescue anyone from a plane crash. Your efforts would not be appreciated.


If you said, "Don't bury the survivors," proceed to the next question.

















5. If the hour hand on a clock moves 1/60 of a degree every minute how many degrees will the hour hand move in one hour?
















Answer: One degree. If you said, "360 degrees" or anything other than "one degree," you are to be congratulated on getting this far, but you are obviously out of your league. Turn in your pencil, and exit the room.



Everyone else proceed to the final question.






















6. Without using a calculator -- You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales. In London, 17 people get on the bus. In Reading, six people get off the bus, and nine people get on. In Swindon, two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get on. In Swansea, three people get off and five people get on. In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven.



What was the name of the bus driver?












Answer: Oh, for crying out loud! Don't you remember? It was YOU!!
The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship's kitchen.

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The Dragon
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Post by The Dragon » Mon Feb 28, 2005 1:29 pm

Quiz
Question 1:

If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had syphilis; would you recommend that she have an abortion?

Read the next question before scrolling down to the answer of this one.

Question 2:

It is time to elect a new world leader, and your vote counts.

Here are the facts about the three leading candidates:

Candidate A: Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologists. He's had two mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks
8 to
10 martinis a day.

Candidate B: He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart of whiskey every evening.

Candidate C: He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke,

drinks an occasional beer and hasn't had any extramarital affairs.

Which of these candidates would be your choice?

Decide first, no peeking, then scroll down for the answer.

-----------------------------------------------------------





Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt

Candidate B is Winston Churchill

Candidate C is Adolph Hitler

And by the way, the answer to the abortion question: If you said yes, you just killed Beethoven.

Pretty interesting isn't it?

Makes a person think before judging someone.

Remember amateurs built the ark - Professionals built the Titanic.
The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship's kitchen.

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Clio
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Post by Clio » Mon Feb 28, 2005 7:50 pm

Кръстословица:

ВОДОРАВНО

1. Названието на четвъртия гръден прешлен на динозавъра Тиринозариус Рекс (археолог.)

2. Обръщението “ Мама ти стара” на древноарменски (шег.)

3. Напитка, приготвяна от тигрови нокти, влакна от гърбица на камила, корени от хрян и слюнка (използувана за лекуване на хемороиди в начална фаза при някои берберски племена).

4. Бащиното име на известен сенегалски бактериологист.

5. Шумерски бог на финансовите катастрофи и обществените бани.

6. Не особено известен наш биатлонист от близкото минало, починал трагично при задавяне с кокоша кост на сватбата на братовчед си.

7. Финикийското название на гъбички на краката (финик.)

8. Известен казахстански звероукротител, гостувал у нас с московски цирк през 1966 г.

9. Звездата, отстояща на 432 541 светлинни години от лявата пета на “Малката мечка”.

10. Известна пакистанска фирма за производство на лопатки за въглища, доминираща на средно- азиатския пазар в края на 19 век.

11. Ритуален танц от горното поречие на река Нигер, изпълняван от местните шамани при лечение на абсцес на горен молар.

12. Другото название на Hypnum Felicium (бот.)

13. Малък паразит от семейството на бълхите, изчезнал преди около 154 459 години.

14. Названието, под което плоските клещи са известни в някои планински райони на Перу (арх.)

15. Известен наш статист, участвувал при заснемането на около дузина телевизионни филми през 60-те години (включително и ролята на човек, слизащ от файтон на гара в трети епизод от “ На всеки километър”).

16. Улица в град Брамптън, Онтарио, Канада ( пресечка на Терез Роуд).

17. Известен читалищен деец от град Пирдоп.

18. Американска пудра за перуки, произвеждана с голям успех по време на депресията.

19. Съкратеното название на албански институт, известен с провеждането на експерименти с медузи (предимно неуспешни)

20. Името на втория съпруг на племенницата на индианския вожд Татанка-Йотанка.

21. Герой от оперетата “Инокентий и Агафия” на диригента на военния духов оркестър от град Казан - Панкретий Самуилович Голдман (1827-1903).

22. Обичаен възглас при уриниране на страдащи от гонорея (трипер).

23. Малка шапка с шарено дъно (обикновено с перо на върха), носена от младите троли в сканди- навската митология.

24. Известен исландски преводач, превел от бенгалски на исландски поемата “Рамаяна”.

25. Чешки фармацевт, открил спрей за неутрализиране на сърбежа, причиняван от тясно бельо.

26. Названието на ляв приток на река Лофа в северна Нигерия (написано отзад-напред).

27. Млад таджикски художни, успешно участвувал на бианалето на младата съветска живопис в Москва през 1984 година.

28. Първият тракторист на Горна Волта.

29. Виден солист от Стокхолмския балет, известен с прочуственната си интерпретация на ролята на Санчо Панса в балета “Дон Кихот” и увлечението си по млади тайландски юноши.

30. Свиневъд-орденоносец през 1971 година, член на ТКЗС във Врачански окръг.

31. Инициалите на организацията на колекционерите на бирени капачки в Европа.

32. Вид гъста новозеландска туршия с много карфиол и бамя.

33. Марка за измерване вискозитета на течности в древна Ливия.

34. Бивш старшина от 4-то Районно управление на МВР в София, известен сред колегите си като “Махмурлука”.

35. Второстепенен герой от роман на Флобер.

36. Виден прогонвач на вещици от Севилия, наричан “Фризьора” от Саванарола.

37. Брат-близнак на известното куче-космонавт Стрелка.

38. Буква от азбуката.

39. Името на хазяйката на Барух Спиноза.

40. Италиански композитор от 17 век, майстор на кратки мадригали и спагети по наполетански.

ОТВЕСНО

1. Изобретателят на нокторезачката.

2. Родното село на физиотерапевта Кирил Арнаудов Велев.

3. Музикален инструмент, използуван също и като казан за готвене от някои пигмейски племена.

7. Неправилен персийски глагол (трето лице, ед.ч.)

11. Популярна марка ножове за белене на картофи в Парагвай.

14. Гара в Никарагуа, близо до която през 1942 година дерайлира товарен влак с банани.

16. Предреволюционното име на фабрика за цимент в град Пенза, Русия, която при национализирането бе преименувана в “ФЗЦГПОрДТМ” (изгоряла при големия пожар през 1954).

20. Древноиндийска игра, която някои смятат като прародител на “Не се сърди, човече”.

22. Дребен производител на гроздова ракия от русенския край.

25. Настоящият помощник на кмета в град Оруро, Боливия (ако не се е пенсионирал вече)

29. Британски майор, присъствувал при подписването на Нанкинския договор между Велика Британия и Китай след приключването на прословутата Опиумна война (1839-42).

32. Известен крадец от Неврокопско в годините преди 9-ти, успял след идването на власт на комунистите да се сдобие с титла “Активен борец срещу фашизма и капитализма”.

33. Популярен румънски шахматист, гостувал на шахматен турнир у нас през 1975 година в Банкя.

35. Една от тайните съставки на освежителната напитка “Кока-кола”.

36. Виетнамски ботаник, починал наскоро от рак на простата жлеза.

38. Прякор на барабаниста на групата “От кол и въже”, репетираща в читалище “Петър Берон” в периода между 1969-1972 година.
Beauty is a luster which love bestows to guile the eye. Therefore it may be said that only when the brain is without love will the eye look and see no beauty.

The meaning of life is 'bucket'

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