Да поспамим още малко ;) - They come in great numbers!

[Matrim]

Dear President Bush,

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from you and understand why you would propose and support a constitutional amendment banning same sex marriage. As you said, "in the eyes of God marriage is based between a man and a woman." I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination... End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 2 . In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev. . The problem is, my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2. clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev.21:20 states that I may ! not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though Lev. 19 expressly forbids this: 27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14) I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help.

[The Dragon]

Кара Кольо комитата караше коня към комитското кладенче. Кривнал козения калпак, курдисал кремъклийка към камата - красавец канара! Кръстосвал кърове, кории, камънаци. Клецал каквото кацне: краставо куче, кьорави калугерки, куц кмет, каки... Когато кривна край канарата, катурнато камъче клопна край коня. Кара Кольо комитата киризи козарката Кера, която, клекнала, кендзаше кротко.
"Какво киризиш, Кольо, кендзам!" - кресна Кера. Кольовият кафяв клефук кипна!"Керо, курво кална! Какво крякаш като кокошка клопачка? *** ке къртиш!!!" Кака кера кандиса. Клекна, кльопна кавала като коза краставица, като крава кочан......... Кара Кольо клатеше, кака Кера квичеше. Коластра като каймак колоса какината Керина катеричка. Кара Кольо каталяса. Кандилкайки керестето, качи коня клюмнал.
Когато крантата кротна край комитското кладенче, Кара Кольо къртеше като кютук!

[The Dragon]

Several years ago, England funded a study to determine why the head on a mans' penis is larger than the shaft. The study took two years and cost over ?1.2 million. The study concluded that the reason the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft was to provide the man with more pleasure during sex.

After the results were published, France decided to conduct their own study on the same subject. They were convinced that the results of the English study was incorrect. After three years of research at a cost of in excess of ?2 million, the French researchers concluded that the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft to provide the woman with more pleasure during sex.

When the results of the French study were released, Scotland decided to conduct their own study. The Scots didnt really trust English or French studies. So, after nearly three hours of intensive research and a cost of right around ?75.00 ( 3 cases of beer), the Scots study was complete. They concluded that the reason the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft is to prevent your hand from flying off and hitting you in the forehead!

[armageddon]

Brain Cramps

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because
if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot
live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"
--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

``````````````````````````````````
"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I
can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those
flies and death and stuff." --Mariah Carey

````````````
"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,"
--Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for
federal anti-smoking campaign.
`````````````````````````````````````````````````
"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body," --Winston
Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
`````````````````````````````````````````````

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in
the country," --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.
`````````````````````````````

"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the
president." --Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.
````````````````````````````````````````````````````

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm
just the one to do it," --A democratic congressional candidate in Texas.
````````````````````````````

"Half this game is ninety percent mental." --Philadelphia Phillies manager,
Danny Ozark
``````````````````````````````````

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and
water that are doing it." --Al Gore, Vice President (DUH)
```````````````````
"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." --Dan Quayle
``````````

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"
--Lee Iacocca
```````````
"The word 'genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like
Norman Einstein." --Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback &sports analyst.
````````````````````````````````````````````
"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."
--Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.
`````````````````````````````````
"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." --Bill Clinton, President
``````````````````
"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
--Al Gore, VP (man he's smart)
````````````````
"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
--Keppel Enderbery
``````````````````````
"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received
notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is
a change in your circumstances."
--Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
````````````````````````````````````````````
"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they
go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the
next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
--Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

[The Dragon]

Ever wondered how the 7 dwarves got the names we all know and love them by ?
Well here is one persons version .... enjoy ..


Miss Snow White was a randy cow
And desperate for a f**k,
So off she went into the woods,
To try and get some luck.

She'd almost given up looking,
When she saw some chimney smoke,
Then she stumbled on the cottage,
And went in for a poke.

Her clothes came off in seconds.
And she'd just removed her pants,
When seven dwarves came marching in,
With a merry song and dance.

Snow White just stood there speechless,
And thought she was in heaven,
Originally wanting one good shag,
But now she could have seven.

Straight away she took command,
"My fanny needs a lick!"
And when one dwarf moved forward,
She said "Oi-you'd better drop your pick"

So down he went onto all fours,
And said "I ain't licking that",
"Not there, that is my bum-hole,
You DOPEY little brat!"

The next dwarf started blushing,
"Do we have to do it here?"
Snow White said "Don't be BASHFUL,
Unless you're a f**king queer"

So reluctantly he whipped it out,
To prove he was no fool.
And Snow White gave a big "High-Ho".
As she rode upon his tool.

Now one dwarf wasn't smiling.
Cos he hadn't had a sniff,
And due to his impatience,
He couldn't raise a stiff.

"Relax" you GRUMPY bas'ard",
So he did as he was told,
And as soon as he was hard enough,
He shot his f**kin load.

The next dwarf got a blow-job,
And she took him deep quite easy,
But she just avoided brain-damage,
When he sneezed, she called him SNEEZY.

With three dwarves left, she turned and said,
"You're next, I want your knob!"
But no sooner had he entered her,
he was sleeping on the job.

"Wake up you SLEEPY bas'ard"
She wanted more from him.
And he woke with such excitement,
That he filled her hairy quim.

The next dwarf rammed his up her,
And shagged her fanny raw,
A dazed Snow White then whimpered.
"That should be against the law."

He made poor Snow White tremble,
he was so big and thick.
"No wonder you're so HAPPY,
With that f**king great big prick"

With one dwarf still remaining,
but feeling rather sore,
She said "You'll have to use your tongue,
My tw*t can't take no more!"

And so he put his tongue to work,
Where others had placed their cocks,
And 'cos he made Snow White feel better,
She named the last dwarf DOC.

Now Snow White couldn't do much,
With all that spadge inside her quim,
So she grabbed a cup, and squatted,
And filled it to the brim.

So there's the truth about the dwarves,
And how they got their names,
By satisfying Miss Snow White,
And joining in her games.

There's one more thing you need to know,
And that's - What happened to that cup,
Well think of what you're drinking,
When you next buy 7-Up!

[Daggerstab]

Забавен факт - обърнете внимение на името на това изображение:
http://bard.bg/b/l/666.jpg

[Drizzt Do`Urden]

ахъм..

[armageddon]

ебаси.
Here are some metaphors from high school essays that will make you wince:

Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides
gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like
underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy
who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes
with a pinhole in it, and now goes around the country speaking at high schools
about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one those boxes with a
pinhole in it.

She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli and he was
room-temperature Canadian beef.

She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just
before it throws up.

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

The revelation that her marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of
her husband's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly
surcharge-free ATM.

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling
ball wouldn't.

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with
vegetable soup.

From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie,
surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes
on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry
them in hot grease.

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-cross lovers raced across the
grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left
Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m.
at 35 mph.

They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that
resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

John and Mary never met. They were like two hummingbirds that had also
never met.

He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East
River.

Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one
that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

Shots rang out, as shots are known to do.

The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this
plan might work.

The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for
a while.

"Oh, Jeremy, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving like a college
freshman on a $1-a-beer night.

He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, but the real
duck that was actually lame-maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg
behind her like a dog at a fire hydrant.

It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power
tools.

She was as easy as the TV Guide crossword.

She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

Her voice had that tense, grating quality, like an old thermal paper fax
machine that needed a band tightened.

It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the
wall.

He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if
she were a garbage truck backing up.

[armageddon]

Eight Words with Two Meanings


1. THINGY (thing-ee) n. >Female......Any part under a car's hood.
Male...........The strap fastener on a woman's b*ra.
2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj. >Female......Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another. Male...........Playing cricket without
a box.
3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n. >Female......The open
sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male...........Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.
4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n. >Female.......A desire to get
married and raise a family. Male...........Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.
5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n. >Female......A good movie,
concert, play or book. Male..........Anything that can be done while
drinking beer.
6. F*LATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n. >Female......An embarrassing
byproduct of indigestion. Male...........A source of entertainment,
self-expression, male bonding.
7. MAKING L*OVE (may-king luv) n. >Female......The greatest
expression of intimacy a couple can achieve. Male...........Call it
whatever you want just as long as we do it.
8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n. >Female.......A device
for changing from one TV channel to another. Male............A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.

[armageddon]

Here's one I think Sauron might like.

A man who reeked of alcohol flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The
> man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a
> half
> empty bottle of rum was sticking out of his ripped jacket pocket.
>
> He opened his newspaper and started reading. After a few minutes, the
> dishevelled guy turned to the priest and asked "Say, Father, do you know
> what
> causes arthritis?"
>
> The priest, disgusted by the man's appearance and behaviour snapped "It's
> caused by loose living,
> being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, and a contempt for your
> fellow man!"
>
> "Well, I'll be," the man muttered and returned to his newspaper.
>
> The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and
> apologised,
> "I'm sorry to have come
> on so strong - I didn't mean it. How long have you been suffering from
> arthritis?"
>
> "I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."
>

[Morwen]

Е, за да има от всичко...
http://citadelata.proboards32.com/index ... y&start=45
Тук Спар се тръшка колко добър актьор е Еди Мърфи и какъв боклук е Kill Bill в сравнение с филмите му. Що ли тези от киноакадемията все го пренебрегват? Че и Мартин Лоурънс, пълен расизъм!

[Clio]

Не знам дали е пускано това преди, ако е - извинявам се предварително ;)


NEITHER SYMANTEC, NORTON, NOR MCAFEE HAVE SOLUTIONS AS YET!

The George Bush Virus - Causes your computer to continuiously scan the hard disk for non-existant viruses of mass destruction.

The John Kerry Virus - Reverses every setting in your computer each time you turn it on.

The Clinton Virus - Gives you a permanent Hard Drive with NO memory.

The Al Gore Virus - Causes your computer to just keep counting and re-counting.

The Bob Dole (a.k.a. Viagra) Virus - Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy.

The Lewinsky Virus - Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then e-mails everyone about what it did.

The Michael Jackson Virus - Attacks only minor files.

The Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus - Terminates some files, leaves, but will be back!

The Mike Tyson Virus - Quits after two bytes.

The Oprah Winfrey Virus - Your 200 GB hard drive shrinks to 100 GB, then slowly expands to re-stabilize around 150 GB.

The Ellen Degeneres Virus - Disks can no longer be inserted.

The Prozac Virus - Totally screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't care.

The Lorena Bobbitt Virus - Reformats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy, then discards it through Windows.

[Regsa]

Това е по-скоро за раздела "Филми", но не ми се отваряше нова тема та затова ще си го кажа тук.
- Малко коментар по повод новия руски филм "Всадник по имени смерть": много добър сценарий. Изключително силно актъорско присъствие. С две думи прекрасно изглеждащ и случващ се филм, но ужасно много напомнящ на "Черните ангели".

[Morwen]

http://www.cybermoonstudios.com/8bitDandD.html
допускам, че ще се зарежда доста бавно...

[Tasselhoff Krakundel]

ко се хвана ще напиша бая майтапи ама в момента ме мога да се сетя най запомнящите се.

- Пришълеца гледаше пистолета като извънземен непознато оръжие.
- This apple is first class! Even second!
- do not throw the peas! (Label in apple garden)
- Seeking for a house in the region (label in а bus)