Posted: Mon Jul 11, 2005 6:01 pm
This elderly lady went to the doctor for a checkup. Everything checked out fine. The old lady pulled the doctor to the side and said, "Doctor, I haven't had sex for years now, and I was wondering how I can increase my husband's sex drive."
The doctor smiled and said, "Have you tried to give him Viagra?"
The lady frowned. "Doctor, I can't even get him to take aspirin when he has a headache," she claimed.
"Well," the doctor continued, "let me suggest something. Crush the Viagra into a powder. When you are giving him coffee, stir it into the coffee and serve it. He won't notice a thing."
The old lady was delighted. She left the doctor's office quickly.
Weeks later the old lady returned. She was frowning and the doctor asked her what was wrong. She shook her head.
"How did it go?" the doctor asked.
"Terribly, doctor, terribly."
"Did it not work?"
"Yes," the old lady said, "It worked. I did as you said and he got up and ripped his clothes off right then and there and we made mad love on the table. It was the best sex that I'd had in 25 years."
"Then what is the problem, ma'am?"
"Well," she said. "I can't ever show my face in McDonald's again."
=======
Things only a Mother can Teach
1. My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION...
"Just wait until your father gets home."
2. My Mother taught me about RECEIVING....
"You are going to get it when we get home!"
3. My Mother taught me to MEET A CHALLENGE...
"What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you ... Don't talk back to me!"
4. My Mother taught me LOGIC...
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, your not going to the store with me."
5. My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE...
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."
6. My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD...
"If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job."
7. My Mother taught me ESP...
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you're cold?"
8. My Mother taught me HUMOR...
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
9. My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT...
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
10. My Mother taught me about SEX....
"How do you think you got here?"
11. My Mother taught me about GENETICS...
"You're just like your father."
12. My Mother taught me about my ROOTS...
"Do you think you were born in a barn?"
13. My Mother taught me about WISDOM OF AGE...
"When you get to be my age, you will understand."
14. And my all time favorite... JUSTICE...
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you... then you'll see what it's like"
The doctor smiled and said, "Have you tried to give him Viagra?"
The lady frowned. "Doctor, I can't even get him to take aspirin when he has a headache," she claimed.
"Well," the doctor continued, "let me suggest something. Crush the Viagra into a powder. When you are giving him coffee, stir it into the coffee and serve it. He won't notice a thing."
The old lady was delighted. She left the doctor's office quickly.
Weeks later the old lady returned. She was frowning and the doctor asked her what was wrong. She shook her head.
"How did it go?" the doctor asked.
"Terribly, doctor, terribly."
"Did it not work?"
"Yes," the old lady said, "It worked. I did as you said and he got up and ripped his clothes off right then and there and we made mad love on the table. It was the best sex that I'd had in 25 years."
"Then what is the problem, ma'am?"
"Well," she said. "I can't ever show my face in McDonald's again."
=======
Things only a Mother can Teach
1. My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION...
"Just wait until your father gets home."
2. My Mother taught me about RECEIVING....
"You are going to get it when we get home!"
3. My Mother taught me to MEET A CHALLENGE...
"What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you ... Don't talk back to me!"
4. My Mother taught me LOGIC...
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, your not going to the store with me."
5. My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE...
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."
6. My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD...
"If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job."
7. My Mother taught me ESP...
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you're cold?"
8. My Mother taught me HUMOR...
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
9. My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT...
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
10. My Mother taught me about SEX....
"How do you think you got here?"
11. My Mother taught me about GENETICS...
"You're just like your father."
12. My Mother taught me about my ROOTS...
"Do you think you were born in a barn?"
13. My Mother taught me about WISDOM OF AGE...
"When you get to be my age, you will understand."
14. And my all time favorite... JUSTICE...
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you... then you'll see what it's like"
