Ами да поспамим малко:р - I'm with Canislav?

[ildalina]

Колега, това е... много вярно

[Ghibli]

http://www.wagenschenke.ch/ - малко упражнения за любителите на алкохола :)

http://www.kiteretsu.jp/on/tontie/index.html - няма само аз да си губя времето :) Който е цъкал на телефона на Лили, само си мисли, че знае за какво става въпрос...

[The Dragon]

The top 5 questions men fear
The top five questions that men fear…

1. What are you thinking about?
2. Do you love me?
3. Do I look fat?
4. Do you think she is prettier than I am?
5. What would you do if I died?

What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is
guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man
answers incorrectly (i.e. tells the truth). Therefore, as a
public service, each question is analyzed below, along with
possible responses.


Question # 1: What are you thinking about?
The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've
been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm,
wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are,
and how lucky I am to have met you."

This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true
answer, which most likely is one of the following:
a. I sure could use a blowjob right now.
b. Football.
c. Baseball.
d. How fat you are.
e. How much prettier she is than you.

(Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al
Bundy, who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I
was thinking, I would be talking to you!")


Question # 2: Do you love me?
The proper response is: "YES!" or if you feel a more detailed
answer is in order, "Yes, dear!" Inappropriate responses include:

a. Oh yeah, ++++ loads.
b. Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
c. That depends on what you mean by love (Clinton's response).
d. Does it matter?
e. Who, me?

Question # 3: Do I look fat?
The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Among
the incorrect answers are:

a. Compared to what?
b. I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin.
c. A little extra weight looks good on you.
d. I've seen fatter.
e. That depends on what you mean by fat (Clinton's response).

Question # 4: Do you think she's prettier than I am?
Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course
not!" incorrect responses include:

a. Yes, but you have a better personality.
b. Not prettier, but definitely thinner.
c. Not as pretty as you when you were her age.
d. Not prettier, just pretty in a different way.
e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about
how good she'd be in bed.

Question # 5: What would you do if I died?
A definite no-win question. (The real answer, of course,
is "Buy a Corvette."). No matter how you answer this, be
prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually
along the these lines:

WOMAN: Would you get married again?
MAN: Definitely not!

WOMAN: Why not-don't you like being married?
MAN: Of course I do.

WOMAN: Then why wouldn't you remarry?
MAN: Okay, I'd get married again.

WOMAN: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)
MAN: Yes, I would.

WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed?
MAN: Where else would we sleep?

WOMAN: Would you put away my pictures, and replace
them with pictures of her?
MAN: Well, that would seem like the proper thing to do.

WOMAN: And would you let her use my golf clubs?
MAN: No, she couldn't use them. She's left-handed.

[The Dragon]

Girlfriends point scoring game...
For all you guys out there who just can't
figure it out, here it is: In the world of romance,
one single rule applies: Make the woman happy.
Do something she likes and you get points. Do
something she dislikes and points are subtracted.
You don't get any points for doing something she
expects...Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the point system.

Simple Duties:

You make the bed..+1

You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative
pllows..0

You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets..-1

You leave the toilet seat up..-5

You leave the toilet lid down..-10 after the lights
are out..-30

You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's empty..0

When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to
Kleenex..-1

When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the
next bathroom..-2

You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light panty
liners with wings..+5

But return with beer ..-5

You check out a suspicious noise at night ...0

You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing..0

You check out a suspicious noise and it's
something..+5

You pummel it with a six iron..+10

It's her father..-10


Social Engagements:

You stay by her side the entire party..0

You stay by her side for a while, then leave to
chat with a college drinking buddy..-2

Named Tiffany..-4

Tiffany is a dancer..-6

Tiffany has implants..-8


Her Birthday:

You take her out to dinner..0

You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports
bar ......+1

Okay, it is a sports bar..-2

And it's all-you-can-eat night..-3

It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and
your face is painted the colors of your favorite
team..-10


A Night Out With The Boys:

Go out with a pal ..-5

And the pal is happily married ..-4

Or frighteningly single ..-7

And he drives a Mustang..-10

With a personalized license plate
(GR8 N BED) ..-15


A Night Out:

You take her to a movie..+2

You take her to a movie she likes..+4

You take her to a movie you hate..+6

You take her to a movie you like..-2

It's called DeathCop 3..-3

Which features cyborgs having sex..-9

You lied and said it was a foreign film
about orphans .........-15


Your Physique:

You develop a noticeable potbelly..-15

You develop a noticeable potbelly and
exercise to get rid of it....+10

You develop a noticeable potbelly and
resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian
shirts ..-30

You say "I don't give a damn because you
have one too"...-800


The Big Question:

She asks, "Do I look fat?" ..-5

You hesitate in responding..-10

You reply, "Where?"..-35


Communication:

When she wants to talk about a problem,
you listen, displaying what looks like a
concerned expression ..0

When she wants to talk, you listen, for over
30 minutes..+5

You listen for more than 30 minutes without
looking at the TV..+10

She realizes this is because you've fallen
asleep..-20

[The Dragon]

US Tourists in Bethlehem
As US tourists in Israel, a man and his wife were sitting
outside a Bethlehem souvenir shop waiting for fellow
tourists.

An Arab salesman approached them carrying belts.
After an impassioned sales talk yielded no results, he asked
where they were from.

"America," the husband replied.

Looking at her dark hair and olive skin, the Arab responded,
"She's not from the States."

"'Yes, I am." said the wife.

He looked at her and asked, "Is he your husband?"

"Yes," she replied.

Turning to the husband, he offered, "I'll give you 100 camels
for her."

The husband looked stunned, and there was a long silence.
Finally he replied, " She's not for sale."

After the salesman left, the somewhat indignant wife asked
her husband what took him so long to answer, to which the
husband replied, "I was trying to figure out how I'd get 100
camels back home."

[The Dragon]

our people were bragging about how smart their cats are.



The first was an Engineer, the second an Accountant, the third was a Chemist, the fourth was a Government Worker.

To show off, the Engineer called to his cat, "T-square, do your stuff." T-square pranced over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.

Everyone agreed that was pretty smart, but the Accountant said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, "Spreadsheet, do your stuff."

Spreadsheet went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each.

Everyone agreed that was good, but the Chemist said his cat could do better.

He called his cat and said, "Measure, do your stuff." Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop.

Everyone agreed that was good. Then the three men turned to the government Worker and said,"What can your cat do?".

The Government Worker called to his cat and said, "Coffee Break, do your stuff." Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, pooped on the paper, screwed the other three cats, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for Workers Compensation and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave.

[The Dragon]

The priest and the panties
There is a girl walking up the stairs in a church one day. As
the priest is walking by, he looks up and notices that this
girl is not wearing any panties. He then calls the girl and
gives her $20 and says "Little girl, take this money and buy
yourself some panties. It's not good to walk around without
any panties on."

The girl then goes home and gives the money to her mother and
asks her mother to buy panties for her. When the mother asks
where the girl got the money from, the girl explained what
happened. Upon hearing how the girl got the money, the mother
rushes to her room, whips off her panties, and puts on one of
her shortest dresses and runs out to the church. As soon as
the mother sees the priest coming, she begins to walk up the
stairs. The priest then notices the lady and calls her down.

The woman not wanting to show that she is expecting anything,
walks back to the priest very calmly. The priest then gives
the lady $1 and says, "Take this money and for God's Sakes,
buy yourself a razor!"

[The Dragon]

Abe and JFK's parallel lives.....
Abrham lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846
JFK was elected to Congress in 1946

Abraham lincoln was elected president in 1860
JFK was elected President in 1960

The Names Lincoln and Kennedy each contain 7 letters

Both were Particulary concerned with Civil rights
Both wives lost childerenwhile living in the Whit house

Both Presidents were shot on friday
Both presidents were shot in the Head

Both were assinated by Southerners
Both were Succeded by Southerners

Both successors ere named Johnson-Andrew Johnson, who succeded Lincon was born in 1801.
Lynden Jhonson who, succeded Kennedy was born in 1908

John wilkes Booth, who assasinated Lincoln, was born in 1839
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assasinated Kennedy was born in 1939

Both assasins are known by their three names
Both names are made up of 15 letters

Lincoln was shot at a theater named Kennedy
Kennedy was shot in a car named Lincoln

Booth ran from thr theater and was caught in a warehouse
Oswald ran from a warehouse and was caught in a theater

Booth and Oswald were both assasinated b4 their trials

and heres the kicker.....

A week b4 Lincoln was shot he was in Monroe, Maryland
A week b4 Kennedy was shot he was in Marilyn Monroe

[The Dragon]

The cat
A man who absolutely hated his wife's cat decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park.



As he was nearing home, the cat was walking up the driveway.

The next day, he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away and try the same thing.

As we was driving back into his driveway, there was the cat! He kept taking the cat farther and farther away, but the darn cat would always beat him home.

At last, he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right and so on until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and he left the cat there.

Hours later, the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?" "Yes," the wife answers. "Why do you ask?" Frustrated, the man answers: "Put that damn cat on the phone. I'm lost and I need directions!"

[Marfa]

http://www.amazingcatcollection.com/
Откраднато от приятелски форум:РРРР

[Roland]

Злокобно, Марф, злокобно :)

[ildalina]

I know what you did last Halloween

[Marfa]

Рол, то и това не лъже, мисля също е сравнително злокобно:РРР
http://community.webshots.com/photo/173 ... 0764unAHWA

[Roland]

Мене онова мокрото ме фрустрира повече...

[ildalina]

Картичките, които не бихте искали да получите:
http://www.worth1000.com/cache/gallery/ ... est_id=563