ShadowDance

As the airliner pushed back from the gate, the flight attendant gave the passengers the usual information regarding seat belts, etc. Finally, she said, "Now sit back and enjoy your trip while your captain, Judith Campbell, and crew take you safely to your destination."
Joe sitting in the eighth row thought to himself, "Did I hear her right? Is the captain a woman?" When the attendants came by with the drink cart, he said, "Did I understand you right? Is the captain a woman?"
"Yes," said the attendant, "In fact, this entire crew is female." "My God," said Joe, "I'd better have two scotch and sodas. I don't know what to think of all those women up there in the ++++pit." "That's another thing sir," said the attendant, "We no longer call it the ++++ pit. Now it's the box office."

GIRL: I have sinned a great sin. I called my boyfriend a BASTARD.
PSYCHIATRIST: Well now, that's not a nice thing to call anyone, so what did
he do to deserve that?
GIRL: Well, he kissed me.
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?
GIRL: .. Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he put his hand in my bra.
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?
GIRL: Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he took my cloths off.
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?
GIRL: Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he had sex with me!
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?
GIRL: Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he told me he has AIDS.
PSYCHIATRIST: The BASTARD

It was the stir of the town when an 80 year old man married a 20 year old girl. After a year she went into the hospital to give birth. The nurse came out to congratulate the fellow saying, "This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?"
He answered, " You've got to keep that old motor running."

The following year she gave birth again. The same nurse said, "You really are amazing.How do you do it?" He again said, "You've got to keep the old motor running."

The same thing happened the next year. The nurse said, "You must be quite a man." He responded, "You've got to keep that old motor running."

The nurse then said, "Well, you had better change the oil. This one's black!"

Professor & Chief
A professor is sent to darkest Africa to live with a primitive tribe. He spends years with them, teaching them reading, writing, math, and science.
One day, the wife of the tribe's chief gives birth to a white child. The members of the tribe are shocked.

The chief pulls the professor aside and says, "Look here! You're the only white man we've ever seen and this woman gave birth to a white child. It doesn't take a genius to figure out what happened!"

The professor replied, "No, Chief. You're mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrence, what we in the civilized world call an albino. Look at that field over there. All of the sheep are white except for one black sheep. Nature does this on occasion."

The chief was silent for a moment, then reasoned, "Let's make a deal... you don't say anything more about that sheep and I won't say anything more about that white child."
Reply With Quote

A man is looking in the classified ads for a job. He notices an advertisement for a toothbrush salesman and figured that couldn''t be such a bad job. So, he calls in, he goes in and they hire him. The next day, he heads out to a neighborhood to make some sales. Five hours later he comes home and says, “Man, I only sold one toothbrush. That''s not enough”
So the next day he goes to a richer neighborhood, thinking maybe those people would buy more toothbrushes. He ends up selling two toothbrushes. So he goes to his boss for advice and his boss says, “Look, you''re a great guy and all, but you gotta come up with a gimmick or something.”

So, the salesman thinks about it and, later that night, he finally comes up with one.

So the next day, he sets up a booth near the subway with a sign that says “Free chips and dip” A guy walks over and puts the chip in the dip and says, “This tastes like ++++.”

And the salesman replied, “Yeah, it is. Wanna buy a toothbrush?”

Cocktail lounge, Norway:
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.




Budapest Zoo, Hungary:
PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY.


Doctor's office, Rome:
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.




Hotel, Acapulco:
THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL THE WATER SERVED HERE.




Information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner, Japan:
COOLES AND HEATES: IF YOU WANT JUST CONDITION OF WARM AIR IN YOUR ROOM, PLEASE CONTROL YOURSELF.




Car rental brochure, Tokyo:
WHEN PASSENGER OF FOOT HEAVE IN SIGHT, TOOTLE THE HORN. TRUMPET HIM MELODIOUSLY AT FIRST, BUT IF HE STILL OBSTACLES YOUR PASSAGE, THEN TOOTLE HIM WITH VIGOR.

What Villian Are You?
http://www.youthink.com/quiz.asp?action ... uiz_id=585

You're scary as hell. YOU HAVE NO ORGANS!!!! Go away.

What villian are you?

My Results:



You're the DEVIL.

You're all that is evil. Even evil people say, Damn, you're evil.

Аз тва съм била.

You're the DEVIL.

You're all that is evil. Even evil people say, Damn, you're evil.

И аз като Идалина....

ми
You Are Lo Pan!!

You're the villian from Big Trouble in Little China. You're awesome because you can stomp some serious ass, and roam the world in spirit form, ruining everyone's sh*t. Oh man, you rule all.

Buahahahaha!

You're Martha Stewart!
I think your the anti-christ.

И аз като Клио .

You're Leatherface!!

You hack everyone to death by chainsaw. You're scary as hell, man.


Which prescription drug is best for you?
http://www.youthink.com/quiz.asp?action ... uiz_id=587
Zoloft
You are a depressed, morbid child...take Zoloft and rid yourself of these problems.

What type of dream are ya?
http://www.youthink.com/quiz.asp?action ... uiz_id=505
You're a LUCID DREAM
Lucid dreams occurs when you realize you are dreaming in the middle of your dream. "Wait a second. This is only a dream!" Most dreamers wake themselves up once they realize that they are only dreaming. Other dreamers have cultivated the skill to remain in the lucid state of dreaming. They become an

You're a LUCID DREAM

Lucid dreams occurs when you realize you are dreaming in the middle of your dream. "Wait a second. This is only a dream!" Most dreamers wake themselves up once they realize that they are only dreaming. Other dreamers have cultivated the skill to remain in the lucid state of dreaming. They become an ...

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