A loop of Subjection

[kalendarа_ska4a]

Хмм... Това е един по-стар разказ от предишния, който постнах. Имам още 2 (не толкова абстрактни, a и по-дълги), но трябва да ги преработя хубаво, когато имам време.



A loop of subjection

“Subject is paranoid, unable to think rationally or objectively… judgement clouded by a habitual use of narcotics… contributing factors to the Subject’s deteriorating condition: self-induced phobias and delusions…”

Paul was really hurt this time. He really thought he had reached his limits. Where the hell had¬ that guy come from? He should be imprisoned, turned into oblivion for taunting people like that. Paul could hardly breathe, let alone shout to this pretentious shrink that he’d been through enough pain already and would rather be imprisoned in a cage with animals as long as they’re not apes or gorillas (nothing even remotely resembling a human) than listen to a truth spoken of a dishonest.

“Subject engages in delusional analytical games to compensate for the lack of incentive… self-loathing and hypercriticism projecting on the subject himself and others… leading to further alienation and disassociation from his surroundings…”

Surroundings… Indeed, the psychiatrist’s office looked gaudily repulsive, now that Paul’s irises had adjusted to the light. It lacked honesty. Naturally, all of the doctor’s prestigious certificates and diplomas were centred on his huge desk, as though it would be pure torture if somebody failed to acknowledge Dr. Joel Porter’s credentials.

Paul tried to block out the annoying voice of the shrink as he continued incessantly with his psycho-babble but to no avail. Paul sensed that the vomit he had been suppressing all his life would turn into actual vomit. He was spasming feverishly in his restraints. He wanted to just cease to exist right there as long as that sadist would not be able to poison him no more.

“Subject is trapped in a dysfunctional loop of compulsions… Subject displays acute schizotypal symptoms… Subject engages in ritualistic behavior idealizing quotidian tasks as a method of achieving intimacy…”

As the nausea seemed to deepen every time Joel Porter pronounced subject, so articulately, Paul kept wondering if the shrink was salivating. He most definitely was thinking that this subject could become another potential trophy in his career, his most challenging subject. Paul tried to muster some strength to get rid of the restraints. A small but strong fire ignited in the fellow’s soul after a life of utter misery and failure. There was a merry-go-around in every honourable and humane person. Chaps like this nutjob would not simply stand there, preaching till they had reassured their own insecurities and raised their daily dose of self-esteem while the scum anchored to a chair were exiled, were forced into a mental breakdown. Were he not so damaged himself, Paul might’ve felt sorry for the doc who was apparently completely oblivious to his own two-dimensional loop of dehumanization.

“Subject appears infantilized and mentally unstable… unable to embrace reality due to a conditioned detachment from it… Subject cannot let go of imaginary people of an idealized interpersonal world…”

Paul experienced a change of heart. He forced himself to listen to every venomous word which gave him clues on how to proceed in spite of the pain. Yes, it was crucial to unlock that primitive part of himself, to feel like a child, to wrestle against the pathology terminology. They were just words, simply inert utterances that meant nothing.

“Subject’s behavior suggests immediate intervention to prevent Subject from harming himself or others…”

The shrink was so absorbed in his analysis that he probably never had the chance of reaching the bottom of his patient’s chart so he could address the patient. It would be another few hours before a nurse would walk in and learn that a Paul Ridgette had strangled Dr. Porter. It would take another few weeks for the happy dead expressions etched on their stiff faces to stop haunting the nurse.

*******

Ще съм доволен да получа всякаква критика. Благодаря предварително.

ПС: No more не е граматическа грешка, а от погледа на протагониста.